1 Peter 3:1—
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. 3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
In 1 Peter 3, there is a strong relationship between verses 3 and 4. Verse 3 described the natural tendency to be overly focused on outward appearance: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel.” So in verse 4, Peter encouraged readers to be more focused on the inward: “rather let [your adornment] be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
A Woman’s Greater Beauty Is Found Inwardly
Women should give attention to their outward appearance, but they should give even more attention to their inward appearance. God is more concerned with the way a woman’s heart looks than with her face, hair, makeup, or clothing.
The phrase, “hidden person,” inspires women to have an inner or unseen beauty that requires looking and searching to find. To see and appreciate this beauty requires an amount of time and energy. Contrast this with the encouragement of secular society. Women are told to “put it all out there” and to be concerned chiefly with outward beauty at the expense of inward beauty. Supposedly you can tell if a woman is beautiful the moment you look at her without making any investment in getting to know her. This turns women into superficial creatures with no dimensions of personality or inner worth.
Inward Beauty Is Incorruptible
In 1997, 2.1 million cosmetic surgeries were performed in the United States; in 2011, 9.2 million were performed. In a fifteen-year-period, the number more than quadrupled. One particularly excessive example took place with a celebrity named Heidi Montag. After ten plastic surgeries in one day, she complained about the scars they left behind:
Parts of my body definitely look worse than they did pre-surgery. This is not what I signed up for! . . . I wish I could jump into a time machine and take it all back. Instead, I’m always going to feel like Edward Scissorhands.
Even ten plastic surgeries did not give Ms. Montag the beauty she wanted, to say nothing about obtaining beauty that would last the rest of her life. CNN reported:
What recession? Despite record unemployment, rising health care costs and sinking home values, Americans shelled out more than $10 billion on cosmetic surgeries and other procedures in 2010 . . . Almost half of Americans have less than $10,000 saved for retirement, but millions are running off to the plastic surgeon . . . What does it mean that despite the worst recession since the Great Depression, Americans spent more than $10 billion on cosmetic procedures last year?
What it means is that plenty of women—and men too—really want a beauty that does not change with time. The problem is that true incorruptible beauty cannot be found outwardly. Inward beauty is the only beauty that never fades. Since inward beauty does not come from physical appearance, it does not diminish with time or aging. Proverbs 31:30 expresses it this way: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
Popular Christian writer J. R. Miller (sums up:
Nowhere but in Christ—can [a wife] find the wisdom and strength she needs, to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband’s sight, when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes, and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live so as to be blessed, and be a blessing in her married life! (J.R. Miller, The Home Beautiful, (Zondervan, 1912), p. 57.)
Inward beauty does not need any makeup, jewelry, or accessories to be beautiful. Conversely, when a woman does not have inward beauty, no amount of makeup, jewelry, or outward adornment can make her beautiful. A woman who is loud, controlling, and obnoxious might look attractive at first, but the attractiveness will disappear quickly when the lack of inward beauty is revealed. Proverbs 11:22 says: “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (ESV). Just as a gold ring cannot make a pig beautiful, physical beauty cannot make an inwardly ugly woman beautiful.
Simply consider any book or movie with a male character falling in love with a woman. The woman is typically presented as laughing, pleasant, and good-tempered as opposed to angrily throwing a tantrum, acting unkindly, or behaving selfishly. Why is that? Even the secular world recognizes inward beauty makes women outwardly attractive, while inward ugliness makes women outwardly unattractive.
There is a ceiling on a woman’s outward appearance. She might take care of her herself physically, dress nicely, and adorn herself well, but she will still be limited by her genetic material. In contrast, every woman has the potential to develop inward beauty. The obvious question is, “What produces this inward beauty?” It comes from the next quality described in 1 Peter 3:4.
Discussion Questions to Answer in Comments Section
- Answer separately and then discuss together:
- Wife: How can you focus on your inward appearance?
- Husband: How can you help your wife focus on her inward appearance?
- Husband: List three “hidden” parts of your wife’s inward person you have come to appreciate about her over time.
- Wife: Which “hidden” parts of your inward person does your husband notice? Are there parts you feel like he doesn’t notice, but you wish he did?
- Husband: Discuss two times your wife’s inward appearance made her outwardly attractive and outwardly unattractive.
- Wife: Discuss two times your inward appearance made you outwardly attractive and outwardly unattractive.
- How does a woman’s behavior reflect her true beauty?
Most of this post is taken from Marriage God’s Way and the discussion questions from the Marriage God’s Way Workbook. If you would like to subscribe to Pastor Scott’s newsletter and receive free chapters of his books and videos of his messages at conferences, please click here.
I would like to let you know this Guest Post was written and published by Scott LaPierre. Who is going to bless us with future pieces so be watching for them. As well we his new book coming out soon. In the meantime, here is a review I was able to do on this book and the workbook. Once you have a chance to look over the review leave us a comment and let us know what you thought.
I would like to Introduce You To Scott LaPierre
Thank you,
