It can be tough to see your adult children not living up to their potential. Maybe they’re unemployed or struggling to make ends meet. Perhaps they’re not as ambitious as you had hoped, or they’re making poor choices in their personal lives.
Whatever the case may be, it can be difficult to watch your children struggle. They are a vital part of your family, and it’s upsetting not to see them reach their potential.
But what can you do when you feel like your adult children aren’t reaching their full potential? Let’s go over several options.
Offer support when appropriate
First, it’s important to remember that your children are adults now, and they have a right to make their own choices – even if those choices aren’t always wise. You can’t control your adult children, and even if you could, it wouldn’t be healthy for either of you.
Instead of trying to control your adult children, the best thing you can do is offer support and advice when they ask for it. Let them know you’re there for them, but don’t be too pushy. They need to make their own decisions, and they’ll likely learn from their mistakes.
Establish boundaries
It’s also important to give your adult children space. If they feel like you’re always hovering, they may start to withdraw or lash out against you.
Give them the independence they need to grow and learn and be sure to set boundaries. For example, you might decide it’s best not to get directly involved in your adult child’s romantic relationship unless they directly come to you for advice.
Resist the urge to compare
It can be tempting to compare your adult children to others but resist the urge to do so. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, and everyone learns and grows at their own pace.
Comparing your adult children to others will only make them feel bad about themselves, and it’s not likely to motivate them to change. Everyone goes at their own pace in life, and that’s okay.
Encourage positive behavior
It can be helpful to encourage your adult children when they make positive choices. If you see them working hard or taking steps in the right direction, let them know that you’re proud of them.
Encouragement can be a strong motivator, and it may help your children stay on track. Just be sure not to be too overly positive. You should praise your adult children when they are legitimately doing something to better themselves.
Talk about your concerns
If you’re worried about your adult child’s behavior or choices, talk to them about it. Let them know what your concerns are and why you feel that way. Be respectful and understanding, but be honest about your feelings. They may not realize how their choices are affecting you or how much you worry about them.
You do want to avoid being overly negative, though. Harshly criticizing them for their past mistakes can deter them from wanting to improve themselves. You need to take a balanced approach and not be too negative or gentle.
Don’t immediately give them answers
When you’re talking to your adult children about their choices, resist the urge to give them advice or solutions immediately. Instead, try listening to what they say and understanding their perspective.
Oftentimes, they just need someone to talk to who will understand and not judge them. Only offer advice if they ask for it or if you feel that it’s absolutely necessary.
Get help from a professional
If you really feel like your adult child is struggling to make the right life decision, or if you feel like they’re not being effective, it may be time to seek help from a professional.
A therapist or counselor can help your adult child work through their issues and make positive changes in their life. There are life skills courses that can improve your adult child’s overall wellbeing. If you feel like this is the best step, don’t hesitate to reach out for help.
Wrapping up
It can be difficult to watch your children make choices you don’t agree with, but remember that they’re adults now and have the right to make their own decisions.
The best thing you can do is offer support and advice when relevant. You also have to have faith your adult child will be able to become successful in their own way.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
