It is so nice to see Charlie let loose and smile

It is so nice to see Charlie let loose and smile

It is so nice to see Charlie let loose and smile. As it doesn’t happen much anymore. And I am not sure why. Or if it is a part of ADHD. But he has mood swings more and more now. So yesterday when we took him to Coyote Drive in and he was playing on the playground with the other kids. It made me just want to stand and watch him all night. As he was laughing and climbing and running and jumping. And was playing with the other kids out there. And it was so nice to see this side of Charlie as it doesn’t happen much anymore which makes me sad.

But when Charlie is sweet and loving like this I never want the time to end. As it is so hard to find it in him now. And he had asked if we went to Coyote Drive-In if he would be able to play on the playground and I told him he should be able to. But we would have to see as I couldn’t promise it as I wasn’t sure what might or might not happen.

So we arrive at the movies and we all walk up onto the Snack Bar and Playground area. And Charlie just stands and watches the other children. And I tell Charlie it is OK go on and play. And he says no, I am too old and to big. And I remind him he isn’t and that there is kids bigger than he is out there.

So even though I wanted to go out on the playground with him I knew I needed to let him do it on his own. So I stand by him and just watch as the other kids play. And I felt like a momma bird who has just pushed her baby bird out of the nest.

So I stand and just watch and David is on the other side and does the same. And neither of us push Charlie or tell him to go on and play. But I could see David wanted to. So I was so proud of David as he usually will push Charlie to do things. And that causes a meltdown. And I didn’t want that to happen at the movies.

So we just keep watching and Charlie walks up to the entrance and he keeps watching. But doesn’t want us to know. When he walks over to me and says I bet I could climb to the top of that rock. As they have all kinds of rocks for the kids to climb on. And I said I bet you could to.

And I then turn the conversation to a dog I see. And just watch Charlie looking into the playground. And he goes back over to the door. And stands and then walks in and stops. And just stands. And I don’t say anything as I didn’t want to scare him. And then he goes on in and climbs right up on that rock.

And the smile that came across his face when Charlie realizes what he has done just takes my breath away. And he knows I am watching. And he doesn’t hollar mom, look at me. But he calls David to look and David did. And he made a huge fuss over Charlie. And that made Charlie feel so good as his dad doesn’t usually do those things. It is me.

So my question is why was last night so different from the other times we have gone to Coyote Drive-In and Charlie can’t get to the playground soon enough to start playing. And he just starts making friends right and left?

And I can tell you what is different he has been bullied since then and now he is scared of all children. And I hate it and it isn’t fair. As children shouldn’t have to live like that. And be afraid of there own shadow. So Please Please Please if you notice a change in your child. Ask questions and if they say nothing is wrong keep asking.

As I would hate for you to go through what David and I went though. When Charlie tried to kill himself. As I still have nightmares over it. And even though David doesn’t say it. I am sure he does as well. And it is so hard for me to let Charlie be a child now as I do not want him getting hurt again

And trying to kill himself if something happens. And I know I can not keep him with me always but as a mom I am terrified. And I am afraid of Charlie growing up and becoming a teenager as I am afraid he will try again and succeed.

And what you all do not know is I have a stepson Travis who I love a lot. But I have watched him try and commit suicide more than once. And he has been locked up for it. And also ended up taking drugs and spending a year in Prison. And I just do not want that to happen to Charlie. And I know as a mom I can not stop these things from happening.

So I just Pray a million times a day and ask God to protect and keep my son safe. Because even though Charlie is only 8 Bullying and Suicide happens to children as well. And I just do not want to lose my son ever. As he is my life. And David’s as well.

So if you have dealt with Bullying or Suicide what did you do  to make sure neither of these things happened again? And after hearing my story and knowing the Bullying happened at Charlies school would you put him back into public school next year or not? And if not would you Homeschool your children or what would you do and why?

So now you know why it is so nice  to see Charlie let loose and smile and just run and play and become a little boy. Instead of a child or man who is afraid of his own shadow. Or can become someone that is just mean and hateful and says hurtful things to me or David. And doesn’t care that he does it.