The past couple weeks since returning from my dads David and I haven’t been getting along. Now it has happened in the past as well. Although last night was the camel that broke the Camels back. I just want to leave and get on with my life by myself and not have to take care of anyone but myself. Even if I end up living on the Streets I am fine with that. As I need out and I need out know I told David.
Charlie overheard what I said and I broke his heart which I didn’t mean to do. But trying to buy this house and having to deal with David, Tommy and my dad my blood pressure is high which is causing me to have headaches and they’re getting worse. Once again last night David and I ended up fighting over the house and talking to Tommy. As David wants me to go down there to talk to Tommy.
I keep telling David that all this house stuff is making me stress and I just can’t handle it anymore. Once again David blew up at me and started yelling at me over the house. Finally I had had enough and I let David know I was done and today I would be packing my stuff and I was leaving. I didn’t want any part of this house or being with him. So one of us needed to leave and since he has a job and a way to take care of Charlie I would be the one to leave.
As soon as Charlie heard this he just lost it and started crying begging me not to go and not to break up his family as he loves us both. Finally I was able to calm Charlie down and to talk to him and I got him to understand why I felt the way I did and why I wanted to leave. Once we were done Charlie asked me if I would come and see him. I broke down as it broke my heart knowing I wouldn’t be here everyday to see his sweet face. As I love him more than life itself.
Finally David came into the room where Charlie and I were. David apologized to both Charlie and I. David let me know before he comes home this afternoon he will go and speak to Tommy and fix things so we don’t have to move if he can. If Tommy does let him know we need to move David has said he will do what ever it takes to get us into a home before school begins so Charlie and I can get settled.
Throughout the night I’ve been Praying because no, matter what David tells me at this point I’m not sure I can trust him. Or that I want to stay even though I love him more than life itself. I don’t think Charlie should have to live in a unhappy home as it can and will affect him. Even though I’ve been told we shouldn’t put personal things on our blog I had to have someone to talk to and since I didn’t want to bring in friends or family into our family problems I write this post out and I hope you don’t judge me to harshly or this post pushes you away.
As I write this I can think and talk to God as he knows our needs before we do. Writing helps me calm down and think things through. Because leaving isn’t the answer and I know it but neither is fighting. Again this morning I’m asking God to Please show us the right way in this mess. Because I can’t stand fighting and if my head hurts as bad as it did yesterday I’m thinking its going to explode.
I’m tired of seeing the fear and confusion in my sons eyes. I want to see the carefree little boy he is and to get back to our Summer fun and making memories as a family.
Charlie deserves a mom and dad that are together not a broken family. Today my question for you is if you have any advice for us Please post your answers as we need all the help we can get. As well as all the Prayers we can get.Please Pray for my family especially Charlie. As I hate seeing the hurt in his eyes and knowing I caused it.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
