As our parents get older, it is natural that we just want to do our best to help them. As our parents age, they will need assistance with everyday tasks, and while the need for help seems straightforward enough, we can easily appear overbearing or overwhelming. Ultimately, our parents need some form of support, but they don’t want to feel like we are taking over, and this, in combination with senior people usually being reluctant to ask for help from others, we’ve got to get that balance right. So, how can we help our parents in the right ways?
Let Them Lead
Your parents will want to retain as much of their independence as possible, and there may be signs that they are not participating in everyday tasks, which might be easy to spot. For example, in mobility or if they naturally withdraw from things they used to do with ease. If it’s the former, there are things that you can do, for example, looking at increasing their independence by considering everyday items that can help them, such as stair lifts or mobility scooters, but we have to make sure that we step back and not take over or tell them that they need help in certain aspects of their lives. The goal should be, ultimately, to extend their independence, rather than making them become more dependent on you.
Have Respect
The best thing we can do is to gauge each situation. For example, if a parent has asked you to take them to a doctor’s appointment, they may not necessarily want you to come into the office with them. It can be tough to interpret, but it’s now at this stage in life where you may benefit from asking outright rather than attempting to read between the lines. Now, more than ever, our parents deserve dignity and respect, and one of the major issues that can arise is a conflict between parent and child. Some people find it easy to characterize caring for an older parent as a reversal of roles, but you are not their parent, and you need to keep in mind that the more controlling you are of a situation, the higher the likelihood that your parents are going to resist your support. Foundations of respect are always critical, not just for the sake of your parent’s dignity, but also to have a respectful relationship that goes both ways.
Let Them Decide How You Should Help
Some of our parents can have a difficult time asking for assistance on a daily basis, and rather than you swooping in to tackle every problem, it’s important to let your parents come to you. When they tell you what things they need help with, you’ve got to show some restraint here so you can only help them with these things. As time goes on, it’s likely that they’re going to ask you for more help, and it’s crucial at this stage that you only give as much help as is necessary.
It is incredibly difficult, but while you may want to help your parents, it is vital that you understand the right ways based on your parents’ basic needs.
