Effects Of Parental Divorce On Children; A Brief Analysis
Divorce rates have shot up considerably in recent decades. This has been highly debated upon, with some seeing it as a social disruption of family institutions and others recognizing it as an increase of individuality and independence among women. Divorce carries with it a social stigma, overshadowing the opportunity it provides for personal growth for people. It is now commonly believed that at least half of all marriages end up in divorce. Marriage was believed to be associated with ‘obligations, duty, child-bearing and sacrifice. The concept of individual fulfillment and growth was at the heart of the psychological revolution in the 1970s, leading to feelings of individuality and personal growth. There are a multitude of reasons why people choose to get a divorce, such as getting married at a young age, not being able to earn enough, infidelity, abuse, lack of equality and growth in marriage.
As more and more cases came forward, a more pressing matter came to light. The divorce between parents started to have a very negative impact on the children. Health experts soon rushed to research on this aspect and came up with a few solutions. Let’s have a look at some effects of parental divorce on children and some logical ways to tackle them.
Emotional impact
The emotional impact of divorce manifests in different ways at different ages. A young child may not be able to quite understand why his/her parents do not love each other anymore and may fear that they will stop loving them too. Teenagers may either blame themselves or become quite angry at one of their parents, blaming them for the resolution of the marriage.
Conduct disorder
Many children also tend to exhibit signs of conduct disorder, making the child aggressive towards people or animals, causing damage to property and other inappropriate behaviors. This has been linked to the stresses of parental divorce, making a child act out in order to be heard or valued.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
The oppositional defiant disorder is of a less severe nature than conduct disorder, having patterns of behaviors not matching the child’s age. It presents itself as the child being irritable, frequently losing their temper, being annoyed very easily, blaming others and refusing to follow rules. This is usually a result of not being able to accept that his/her parents are getting a divorce.
Depression
Children see divorce as the loss of a parent, and without a proper outlet to voice their emotions, or feeling rejected and left out can cause depressive symptoms in the child. It is proven that such symptoms take a major toll on kids during their formative years, and may lead to further problems such as substance use, self-injury and academic difficulties.
Poor Academic Performance
The divorce takes a toll on the living environment of the child. It is very important to provide a growing and nurturing environment so that the child may thrive. It affects the child’s ability to concentrate in school, causing them to be disinterested or preoccupied with the problems ongoing at home.
Risk-Taking Behavior
Studies have shown that children of divorce are more likely to indulge in risky and impulsive behaviors, such as marijuana, tobacco, alcohol and drug use. Children often cannot deal with the fact that their parents are getting a divorce, leading to poorer performance, disinterest and indulging in risky activities and behavior. Divorce predicts externalizing behaviors, as a coping mechanism to deal with marital problems at home.
It is very common for children to experience these tendencies during a parental divorce. These symptoms and behaviors, if not resolved or dealt with quickly, can lead to long-term consequences such as crime, substance abuse, inappropriate sexual practices, inability to form a close nurturing relationship, etc. There are a few ways to ease your child into the divorce, such as:
Breaking the News
Maintaining a mutual understanding while talking to your child helps a lot. Practice what you can say to your child, trying to see what’s best for your child. Provide them with all possible information that they would need, such as who they will live with, reassuring them that both parents still love them, and just answering them with honesty.
Co-parenting
Understand that the end of your marriage will not result in cutting the other person out of your life, on the other hand, you should aim to work with them in order to raise a child. Even minor tension between parents causes distress for the child, so it is better to come up with a plan of co-parenting peacefully and effectively.
Maintaining Open Communication
Now is not the time to shut your kids out. Maintain open communications and positive parental attitudes towards your child during such times. Many studies have proven that children who have a better relationship with their parents have better academic performance and higher self-esteem.
Helping Kids Cope
It is normal to mourn the loss of a family, but also very important to encourage acceptance of this ‘new normal’. Help your children communicate their feelings about the situation, accept their feelings and offer them support. Teaching children how to manage their feelings in a healthy way, such as exercise and music, has been proven to boost problem-solving and decision-making skills.
Provide Reassurance and Love
Children are most often worried about their parents not being there for them anymore. Provide your child with constant love and reassurance, letting them know that both parents will be a major part of their lives and that divorce doesn’t affect how much the child is loved. Providing physical closeness in the forms of hugs also has a way of reassuring the child.
Providing Stability
Providing stability in times of uncertainty helps build resilience among children. Kids feel safer in such times with a routine in place. Consistently apply rules, discipline and routine in order to help kids adjust to the massive change in their lives.
Divorce involves a highly stressful time period for everyone involved. Kids often experience some amount of hardship and grief, trying to adjust to the upheaval of their lives. Having open communication and teaching new coping skills, can make a huge change in the way children handle parental divorce.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
