Begin each and every day as if there is something new to discover about their child rather than something to feel anxious about
Children’s development, especially in the early years, is an amazing opportunity to witness how their perception of the world and interactions with others changes. It’s easy to spot your child’s physical development—like when they start crawling or walking—but their emotional development is harder to track because these changes occur on the inside. Social and emotional development is subtle and requires careful observation. An example of this, and one we discuss in our book, The Emotionally Intelligent Child: Effective Strategies for Parenting Self-Aware, Cooperative & Well- Balanced Kids, is the development of deception.
As a parent, you know the importance of telling the truth, but your child is just learning this. When your young child tries to deceive you, much of what you’re witnessing is your child learning about intentions, desires, and beliefs and the behaviors that are linked to this understanding, like deception. Research suggests that by around 4 years of age children understand deception and then begin to test their new understanding that people can be fooled.
If you notice this with your own child, there’s no cause for panic. Lying requires an understanding that other people have different beliefs, and that those beliefs might not reflect reality. One way to think of lying is as a developmental milestone. If your child is testing out the power of deception and is having success deceiving others who haven’t developed this skill yet, like fooling their younger sibling, remember that this in an important step in their development. Afterwards, use this as an opportunity to teach them why we tell the truth and why it can be harmful to deceive others.
Written by:
Rachael Katz and Dr. Helen Hadani
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates Cates
