By: Dr. Kiki Ramsay, CEO and Founder of the Positive Psychology Coaching and Diversity Institute
Being a parent isn’t just about making sure everyone eats their veggies, gets enough sleep, and stays on top of homework. More than that, you are forging relationships grounded in trust, security, and understanding. The key to raising emotionally healthy and resilient kids lies in our willingness to understand our own emotional landscape first. When we, as parents, acknowledge and manage our feelings, we set the tone for the entire household. And when our children sense that we’re steady and tuned in, they feel safe enough to open up, take emotional risks, and grow into their full, confident selves.
Recognizing Old Patterns and Shifting the Dynamic
Many of us grew up without the language or space to process our emotions. If you were raised in an environment where emotions were quickly dismissed, hearing statements such as, “Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal,” you might find yourself struggling as an adult to know how to respond when your child bursts into tears over something that feels insignificant to you. But this is where the hard yet rewarding work comes in. Our children need to see that emotions are signals and not inconveniences. When we minimize their feelings, we send a message that it’s not safe to be vulnerable, and over time, they learn to shut down or mimic unhealthy patterns.
The good news is that emotional maturity is something we can cultivate at home. Instead of reacting on autopilot, take a brief pause and acknowledge the frustration or stress welling up inside you. Breathe, and then choose your response thoughtfully. Maybe you say, “I see you’re really upset right now. I’m listening.” In that moment, you show your child that you can handle their emotions—and, just as importantly, your own. You’re demonstrating what healthy emotional regulation looks like. Children pick up on everything, so when they see you calmly naming a feeling, they learn that it’s not something to fear or hide.
Emotional Barriers Parents Unknowingly Create (and How to Avoid Them)
Certain patterns can creep into our parenting without us even noticing. For instance, not validating our child’s emotions—perhaps because we don’t agree with how they feel—can damage trust. Remember, validating doesn’t mean you’re endorsing their point of view; it simply means you acknowledge their reality. A child who is sad that playtime ended too soon doesn’t need you to fix the situation. All you have to do is understand it and say, “I see you’re disappointed. Don’t worry; we can have more playtime tomorrow.”
Ignoring your child’s bids for attention also creates distance. In our busy lives, it’s easy to dismiss a tug on our sleeve or a softly spoken, “Mom?” when we’re juggling phone calls or household tasks. But if we habitually brush them off, our kids may come to believe that their voice doesn’t matter. Let them know you see them. You can say, “I’m on the phone for just one more minute, and then I’m all yours.” Follow through on that promise. Over time, these small gestures build unshakable trust.
Shaming and belittling—perhaps rolling your eyes at their fears or snapping at their tears—teaches kids that their feelings are problematic and abnormal. This will build up, and they’ll learn to hide their emotions or lash out in unhealthy ways. We must resist this impulse. If we feel a surge of frustration, it’s our signal to slow down, check ourselves, and choose a more constructive response. Our children are not responsible for managing our emotional baggage; we are.
Building a Home Where Emotions Can Thrive
A home that nurtures emotional health is both physically inviting and emotionally safe. Create spaces that encourage connection. Maybe something like a cozy reading nook where you can snuggle and talk about the day, a shared family table where everyone gets a turn to speak, or maybe playful tools like feelings charts on the fridge so younger kids can point to “frustrated” or “confused” and feel understood. Children who can name their emotions will grow up handling them more effectively and be more willing to share their inner world with you.
Equally important is the climate we create through our behavior. As parents, we are emotional role models. Our children should see us admitting when we’re tired, apologizing when we’ve overreacted, and calmly discussing tough issues. This shows courage and responsibility. When kids see that boundaries are set with warmth and that accountability coexists with empathy, they understand that love and respect go hand in hand.
This process doesn’t happen overnight. Cultivating emotional maturity and establishing trust through everyday interactions requires patience, consistency, and self-compassion. But the payoff—children who know they are loved, heard, and safe—is immeasurable. Ultimately, this is how we raise kind, confident, and resilient human beings—and that, to me, is the heart of true parenting.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
