Divorce is inevitably stressful for everyone involved, and if it is handled poorly, your children will be negatively affected too. Though it is difficult and sensitive, it is essential to manage the proceedings with the children’s best interests at the heart of things. Otherwise, the consequences may be devastating for their future and general development. Here are five ways to support your children after a divorce.
Find a Solicitor Who Cares
The first, and arguably most important task is to find expert legal representation to keep the ball rolling in the right direction. There are many family solicitors that focus on divorce and have experience in handling all the various parts with well-being at the forefront. Take due care and attention when selecting the person to stand at the helm of this process as it will make all the difference moving forward. Look for a firm with specific experience in this area, someone you connect with, and a place that has exceptional reviews from previous clients.
Maintain a Healthy Attachment from Each Parent
It is the responsibility of each parent to remain present, caring, and focused on the children. Though this feels impossible while dealing with high levels of stress and turbulence, the fact remains that this is what they need. When attachment from a primary caregiver is broken, the consequences are vast and complex. To avoid this, maintaining the relationship as close to what it was prior to the separation is the best route to take. Show up when you say you will, focus the time on nurturing them and your relationship and just be there for them as much as you are able to.
Never Play the Blame Game
The blame game is the downfall of many a parent unit going through a divorce. While it is sometimes unavoidable, talking poorly about the ex-partner to or around a child is never the answer. It is important to give them a safe space to vent if they need to, but you should never join in and always remain as neutral as possible while offering secure guidance and comfort. It is not the fault of the child, and they should never feel as though it is.
Reassure Their Routine
Routine equals consistency and reassurance for children. Maintaining boundaries is essential and focusing on keeping change to a minimum will also play a major part. Routine is everything in the eyes of a child; where they wake up on a morning to where they go to bed counts as much as all the things in between. Though it can’t always be avoided, each parent should attempt to not change the pace too much at least while they finish their school years. Let them know that their feelings matter and that you hear them on this so that they never feel alone or sidestepped.
Give Them a Safe Space to Talk
Safe spaces to talk often have a positive impact on development and coping through a troublesome period. Younger and older children often have difficulties expressing their inner monologue and while it is not your job to extract it from there, you do have a part to play in helping them figure it out. Accept that you will never know exactly what is happening in their mind but make it clear that you’re there for whatever may be mulling around their brains. This could look like counselling sessions with an expert in separation, or simply offering the space for them to feel comfortable and open up.
These five ways to support your children after a divorce are all key strategies. Every separation is different and fueled by personal reasons, yet it is essential to remember that the relationship between parent-to-parent is an isolated thing and should be kept that way.
