4 Key Tips for Keeping the Spark in a Relationship By Tami Zak, a licensed couples therapist with Grow Therapy
- Keep Curiosity Alive: Think back to when you first started dating your partner. There was a spark, curiosity, and a desire to know everything about them. When a partner loses curiosity in their partner, it’s a red flag. Yes, you get to know your partner, but there’s always something you can learn if you look. That’s a big deal. People are always growing and changing. Nobody thinks they’re the same person they were 1, 5, 10 years ago, so check in with your partner with questions that show you are interested. Take time to really listen. Put the phone down, open your ears and your mind, and tune in.
- Create Desire: Similarly, another warning sign is a lack of desire/apathy. When was the last time you dressed up and went out on a date? Again, think back to how excited you used to get. If making an effort for your partner is difficult, that’s another red flag. Schedule date nights, take the time to get dressed up, and do something special. It will fuel the fire in your relationship and do wonders for your own self confidence.
- Prioritize Your Relationship: Ultimately, it comes down to prioritizing your relationship. Work, hobbies and friends are important, but your relationship is another level of special, and you should treat it as such. With relationships, you get out as much as you put in. When you stop paying attention, you shortchange yourself, your partner and your future together.
- Schedule Time Together: Schedule and have a regular relationship meeting. Weekly for at least 30 minutes, try to make it a time where you can both consistently meet, and when you do be curious. Check in about how your partner is and ask them how they’re doing and what they are looking forward to. Spend time talking about how you are connecting. It could be scheduling that date, deciding what show to binge, talking about getting intimate or planning that next ultimate vacation. One fun exercise is asking each other the 36 questions that lead to love from the New York Times – http://36questionsinlove.com. These were based on research about whether two strangers can develop an intimate connection. Show your partner that you care and enjoy the ride.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
