3 Tips for Parenting During Times of Crisis
As much as we’d wish that children could get older during a world free from disasters and crises, at some point, all families are faced with unexpected and upsetting situations. At these times, children and teenagers believe parents and other trusted adults to assist them to make sense of what went on , and respond in ways they hope will support their emotional health and resilience. This is not always easy but it is possible.
Model calm and control.
Reassure children that they’re safe. When talking with children, be descriptive, but objective. Consciously choose the words you use, “catastrophe,” “tragedy,” or “disaster” may unintentionally raise children’s anxiety. Focus instead on the primary four “Ws”: what happened, where and when the event occurred, who was affected, and importantly, who wasn’t affected. A fifth “W” —why this happened—is usually better addressed in later conversations. Remember that your emotional tone is as important because of the words you employ . It is often extremely difficult to assist your child to feel calm once you , yourself, aren’t feeling calm.
You may considerably want to reassure your children of their safety, now and within the future. On the other hand, it is important not to make promises that you can’t keep. If your child asks if something bad could happen again, consider talking about the very fact that it’s not impossible, but is extremely , very, impossible . Giving concrete samples of extremely unlikely events can make this concept more readily understood by children.
Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.
There are so many channels where troubling news can come through: television, radio, the Internet, texts from friends, other social media, overheard conversations at home or out in the world. The more you know about how your child is learning about news, the better you can address inconsistent or incorrect information.
Early grade school children need brief, simple information that ought to be balanced with reassurances that their lives won’t change. Upper grade school children are going to be more vocal in asking questions on their safety and what’s being done. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy.
Understand what your child is asking.
Difficult questions that children ask could also be spurred by curiosity or feelings. Rather than plunging into an instantaneous answer, learn what motivates the question. Ask, “What made you think of that?” or “What ideas do you have?” Once the meaning of an issue is understood , it’s easier to answer effectively.
Though you may be anxious about sharing too much information with your child, encourage her to ask you anything, so you are aware of how she understands the situation, and what is confusing. Telling a child that she asked a good question, and you need some time to come up with a good answer and will get back to her, and then doing so, is preferable to discouraging or avoiding conversation.
In the end, you know your children best, so tailor these tips to meet your child’s unique needs.
Thank you,
Glenda, Charlie and David Cates
